Sunday, July 29, 2007

A Random Thought

Having had worked at AOL for 15 agonizing months, I was familiarized with some of the casual dress styles among the younger set. In particular I noticed the increasing preponderance of facial hardware, which has actually been popular for quite a few years. I was reminded of this last night seeing a striking young lady (well, another one besides Provazolezec) at the movie theater with a minute little nose stud affixed to the side of her schnozz.

Here's a note to the practitioners of piercing from someone who is older than you and whose opinion probably is of no value to you, but it will be expressed anyhow: You look ridiculous. What form of self-hatred could possibly inspire you to puncture your face and inflict it with what must surely be painful metal objects that make you look more like some kind of toolshop appliance than a human being? Trust me, to almost everyone over 30 (and probably a lot of people under 30) it's like a walking IQ test, each item dropping to the total by 10 or 20 points. If the piercing is inside your mouth, that's 50 points off the top. I'd love to see what would happen if someone fired up a big electromagnet nearby. It reminds me of a scene from "Heartbreak Ridge" where Clint Eastwood expresses his opinion of earrings in the military... ouch!

What I find even more hilarious is those women who want to join the bandwagon with those relatively conservative little metal nose studs that are often affixed by neodymium magnets. You should certainly be commended for your restraint from self-mutilation, but I hate to break it to you ladies, instead of a nose stud, you in fact look like you have a huge blackhead on the side of your face. A blackhead that may occasionally sparkle, but the overall effect is a need for Clearasil and a good scrubbing, which is probably not the intended effect.

Now I realize that the flows and eddies of adolescent hormonal changes lead many of us to engage in various "non-standard" or even "shocking" styles of self-expression in an attempt to establish an identity among the throngs of humanity, the rest of us see these piercings for what they are, lock-step conformity and complete silliness, and we laugh at you from behind your backs. I don't say this to mock you, just to tip you off to the truth. You look like idiots. Is it worth all the redness, swelling and infections?

p.s. Tattoos send pretty much the same message, that is "I'm too stupid or too lazy to come up with a unique way to express myself, so I will just put graffiti on my body."

p.p.s. We saw "The Simpsons Movie", it was great.